i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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