i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
