Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
