that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
