ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
