The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
