i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
