I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sarcasm needs its own font
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
