so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
