had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
