Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
