He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
