are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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