six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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