im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
