Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
