I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
