I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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