just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Welp...herpes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
