nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need to calm my uterus...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
