Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
