I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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