Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
