god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
