He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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