Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
