Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
