My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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