i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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