I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
