Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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