i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What a dumb baby whore.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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