Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
