wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
