Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
