I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
