Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just blew my weed a kiss
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
