Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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