you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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