I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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