Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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