im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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