remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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