I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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