I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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