We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
