Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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