textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going