yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.