i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected