Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow