If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome