dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
