yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
