sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
