i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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