Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
