Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No subtext here. People are naked.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
