my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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