just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
