wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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