how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
