I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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