In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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