I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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