Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
