I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
