I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
