How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
