I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just invented taco cereal.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
