I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
