Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
