I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
