i would punch a child for taco bell
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
