So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
