i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
