Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
