Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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