1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
