can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
