the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
