Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
