i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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