He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
