ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
