I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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