she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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