life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
