when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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